Have you ever been in an awkward situation? Well I have to say this whole week has been an awkward week for me and filled with emotions and thoughts that I believe that I should keep track of it and share my story.

Here is my drama. Sorry this might be gross and lady related. But what can I say, I have warned you.

Starting on Sunday I have been feeling extremely tired and fatigue. I was thinking that it is because I am on my lady time of the month and sometimes this happen since I was diagnosed that I am anemic. So I started taking an extra iron pill. So I took one pill in the morning and one pill in the afternoon.

So now let’s get to Monday around 11 PM or midnight. I was feeling weird (tired and just exhausted). So I thought that it was time for me to go to sleep and wait for the next day. So I went to the restroom and changed out my tampon and by the time that I finished up in the restroom and got back to my room and laid in my bed I felt that I have already bleed through my tampon. So I went to the restroom again and oh and behold I did so I was like oh shit and after that I started bleeding out clots ranging for the size of a quarter to the size of golf balls.

So now we are on Tuesday. I went to work since I don’t want to miss work and the clotting continued. I was feeling faint around 3:00 so I left work and went to pick up my brother David so that he can watch Kevin. Then I took him to my home and he watched Kevin while me and the hubby went to the emergency room.

So knowing my luck when I get to the ER their computers were down. (I know I was pissed). So I get checked in and right after that I went to get my blood pressure taken and then the doctor came in and we talked and he ordered a lot of blood work. So I got back out to the waiting room and was waiting there for about 4 hours when I get called to take an ultrasound. I was already curious about that. So then they start talking weird. I then ask the question, what is going on. He said that my test results came back and that I am pregnant. After the Ultrasound he said that they believe that I am having a miscarriage and that this is common out of 1 in 5 pregnancies.

So then I have to go back to the waiting room and wait for about three more hours. This whole time I was thinking about being blessed with Kevin and how happy we are as a family. Then I started thinking about a mistake that I did when I was sixteen and that was having an abortion. I think I thought about that more than anything else during the wait. If is funny, that when I was sixteen I thought about every reason on why I shouldn’t keep the baby and now I think about why I should of kept the baby. Even though the guy was a character I really think I could have made it work without having the guy in my life. I think that if I could take back one thing, it would have to be having an abortion. Thinking about the abortion makes me depressed. I feel now that even though I was only 8 weeks along when I got the abortion who am I to change history and what could have been. I guess that is just one regret that I am going to live with.

Well now I get called back and the doctor came to see me to tell me that I am indeed pregnant but with having the amount of blood lose and the clots are the signs of a miscarriage and that I need to take my iron since my levels are low. He said I need to follow up with the doctor on Friday. So today is Thursday. I am still clotting and depressed. I am tired. I know that Kevin feels that there is something wrong because he wants to be with me and cuddle and Kevin does not like to cuddle so my baby Kevin knew something was wrong.

Well what can I say may this is gods punishment to me for the abortion or this is just a sign that we are not ready for another child at the moment. I think I just have to think of the positive and that at home I have my little bundle of joy. Kevin is the love of my life and I need to not worry about what was in the past or what happened this week but I need to worry about Kevin and getting ready for his 2^nd birthday. He is going to be a vampire and have a huge birthday party. Well wish me luck tomorrow and pray for me that everything is going to be great and sorry to be gross but I feel that having a journey that I can write freely and be myself and this gives me an outlet to share my feelings.

 

Have a good day everyone.

Today is Saturday and I already feel like my weekend is over. I have so much to do and I feel that I don’t have enough hours in my day to complete everything.

Sometimes I feel that I am drowning and every time I feel that I am coming up for air that I am pushed right back down. I really can’t wait for school to be over. This is just the journey that I have to take. If you don’t sacrifice something now you will just have to sacrifice it later.

Have you ever felt that sometimes there is so much that you have to complete before you are actually done? And then when you’re done, is there more that has to be done to go to the next step? I don’t know.

I wish that I can just do it all and that is completely impossible. I wish that I can spend every moment with Kevin but then on the other hand with the economy the way that it is, I am happy that I got a great paying job and a family that loves me.

Kevin is just an awesome child. Next month is his birthday and I need to start planning his party with a Halloween themed of course. It is going to be so exciting my little baby is going to be two years old. He is growing up so fast. He looks like a little man full of energy, exciting, adventure and I hope that when he grows up he is proud of me.

Greetings, I know that I have not posted in such a long time. Life for me in finally where I want it to be. I am happy and I love the me that I have become. I work full time, I have a beautiful family. I love my school and I love the path that has opened up to me over the years.

I am going to National University for my Bachelors in Information Technology Management and I only have 5 classes more and at the need of this week I will have 4. Thing are finally looking up. I want to be a lawyer and after my Bachelors with National I hope to go to school to be a lawyer.

Work is great and I make great money for what I do. I have my little son Kevin, he is such a little bundle and I love him with all of my being. I never felt a love like this and I just want to give him everything that I possibly can. I will post more later but my break is over and let me get back to work.

-Judy

Yet an other really boring day at work. I believe that I spend 99.9 percent of my day doing bullshit that is not goes to do anything and lately I have being getting so bored becuase it is like the same old shit everyday.

Also, Carlos and me, we are good but I wish things are to that point that he just gets mad at me for know reason becuase of the current problems in his life. I mean I can do everything right but then there are those times that I wonder if he is suppose to be the person that I am to send the rest of my life with. i mean I love him but I think that maybe he is bored with me. I can;t see someone getting bored with me becuase I am a fun loving person that likes to help people... and norally puts other people before I put myself.. (I need to change that) But I wonder.

I wonder if there is that one person in the world that you are ment to be with. Sometimes I wonder becuase to be honest it is one of those things that I wonder about.

School is boring but maybe because I am talking the last classes that are needed.... I hate history it is boring yet interesting hhahahaha...

.and when in Gods name are the going to bring back Hereos or Chuck I AM WAITING..,.. Cause CHUCK is so HOT... I like the nerdy ones ;P

Is it wrong to flirt with people that you meet. I mean a little flirting never killed anyone.. plus it is not like I am going to be on the next flight out to visit them... humm what else.. I am bored... Really bored.. i need a hobby.... is sex a hobby :? well Bored... reallly really really really... I wonder if anyone reads this?

Hi Everyone,

I have not really been up to much. I am just doing the same old shit. I sometimes feel like what am I suppose to be doing. Have you ever had that happen to you? Well when I was younger I had so many ideas and they never really ever happened.

Lately I have been thinking about the choices that I have made in the past. I know that I have done somethings that I am not happy about but I guess things just happen for a reason.

Just a saying "You never quit loving someone that you have loved" I believe this because sometimes I think about my ex husband but not in the way of getting back together but in a way that how the hell did we not even end up friends anymore.

Weird becuase a few years have past and I sometimes think about how he is doing and things like that but I guess if he felt the same way he would write me I guess.

I have a great man now and he treats me good or I think that he does but thoughts of the old one kinda make me said becuase we had a way deeper connection but then we were together longer then I have been with my new one.

 

Then I all ways wonder on things. I have many friends that I chat with online that I meet from different places and when you ask them for a pitcure its like why? Damn..I should not care but sometimes I would like to know what the other person behind the keyboard is.. but I can deal without....

Well let me get to work before I get into greater details LOL... ^_^ I will try to write later but that is not a promise LOL

I have not been up to anything new... Just going to school and working and living like.

I started playing new games like Unification Wars and Tribal Wars..... they are pretty fun.... Well that is it... Shot but simple. LOL

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<strong>Your Personality is Very Rare (ESTP)</strong>
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Your personality type is dominant, driven, poised, and self-aware.<br />
<br />
Only about 5% of all people have your personality, including 3% of all women and 6% of all men<br />
You are Extroverted, Sensing, Thinking, and Perceiving.
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<div align="center"><a href="http://www.blogthings.com/howrareisyourpersonalityquiz/">How Rare Is Your Personality?</a></div>

Today is going to be a long day for me and I just really tired. I am more excited then anything this should be my last semester and this is just a stepping stone for me. I know that I want to continue my education but I am not sure what to go for. There are so many great things to go for that it is hard to choose. I think that just being in one field is kind of boring so I hope that I choose something that I am interested in.

 

I really want to open a business so I think that after I complete my associate’s degree I am going to get another AA in business or computer information systems. I have not decided or maybe even math. I have always been great in math.

 

I think that I just have too many choices to choice from.  Like finds the right car (which one is going to be right for you). LOL

 

Well I think that I am lucky I only have to go to one class that is face-to-face and that is my bowling class… Yeah Bowling…. I like bowling even though I am not that good at it. But I shall get better since I am taking a class or I hope that I get better. We shall see.

 

Well I am working again and I like working. I think that it keeps me from doing things that I normally do not do. I think that if I had no job that I would go crazy I think that the longest I lasted without a job was like a few weeks not even a month. LOL… I was going crazy…. I think that if I keep myself busy that I can save money. Or try. I think that I spend my money on stupid shit sometimes but I think that recently I have been good but I will see.

 

Yeah this is a long one…. I think that if I had the time like I currently have that I can sit and type for a while. I think that sometime just sitting down and writing about what happens is a good way to just calm yourself and relax.

 

Well recently I meet up with an old friend from high school (Amanda) and I was thinking back to were we meet and she was the first person that was my friend LOL…. Now thinking about it cause she was in my first period class with Mrs Richardson for choir. LOL then it was Karl then I meet Jonathan throw Karl and I meet everyone else from everyone else. LOL…. But yeah but anyways….. We meet up (me, Carlos, Jessica, Aaron, and Amanda and her brother and friend) and we went to the mission valley mall and ate and went to see Rush Hour 3. Carlos and I already saw it but every movie is different when you see it in the theater.. (Yeah I say the bootlegged version) lol….. We all had fun and it was nice to hang out with each other after not seeing each other for a long time. I am not sure how long I think wow had to be 7 years….. WOW… were did the time go… LOL….

 

Well I think I wrote a little… LOL so I leave you all alone till next writing..

 

 

Judy

Ok lately I have been on a diet and I am trying to loss wieght and I like it. I have loss about 10 pounds or maybe more. I was happy becuase today i tired to put on a pair of pants that used to be kinda tight and then i had no problems and that felt good. So I feel good. I know that I have a way to go but that ok. I know that one day I will be at my goal and then I'll be look what I did. I have been dringing a lot of water and I am not a big drinking water kinda person so I think that is helping to. Well there is nothign really new but at least i blogged.

Ok a new blog. What up my peoples? Ok today is Monday and I just got to work and I really love me job all I really have to do is help people and at the end of the day I really think that I help people and that is a good feeling... Well just to update people yes I am still on my diet and I have lost 8.9 pounds in 2 weeks. Yeah for me. I am planning on losting a lot more so YEAH.... I like that diet so I am going to stuck with it...

There is nothing new but that I am living life and I LOVE IT.... Yesterday I was at work at my other job on base and I made 95 dollars in cash oh yeah.... Who knows Jesus does....lol... For some reason I have started saying to my friends Jesus Knows and it just funny becuase at my job on base we only get tips so if we get a bad tip we and my brother and Audi say Jesus Knows...? LOL... But yeah.,..... On the 7th I am going to be busy working on Carlos's birthday bash at the beach so.. that really all that I have been doing... Oh yeah today I had a Spanish Quiz and I think that I did really good so.... Yeah but there is an exam on wednesday I hope I do good... :) Well I am going to go back to work so later